The Inevitability of Things
by TinyTora
Summary: Saitou reflects on the inevitability of Souji's death as he stays by his side (ack, I'm sorry I suck at summaries!) Please R&R!


**A/N: **As a former OkiSai shipper, I feel somewhat obligated to post at least one fanfic for this pairing XD I tried but I'm not the best at angst, so pardon any OOCness!

* * *

><p><em>Let me stay by you, even if it tears me apart.<em>

Saitou sat next from the bedridden swordsman, listening to the pain-filled coughs and struggled gasps. "Souji, you should lie down and rest." His voice wavered as he listened to the chestnut haired man go into another bout of coughing. It was agonizing to see his friend in this state: Souji, the indomitable prodigy of the Shinsengumi, overcome by illness. Saitou bent his head down a little and clenched his fists.

"Ne, Hajime-kun," Souji looked at him with those emerald eyes. They had lost their mirth, their life. "Why're ya giving me that sad face?" His raspy voice covered up the playful tone.

"It is nothing." Saitou faced his friend with resolute eyes that tried to hide his sadness. What would happen if Souji was no longer here...? Would he die soon, or was his death to be drawn-out and tortuous? It was cruel—the blade of Kamisama could cut down any man at any time. It would be swift and sound. But then there were the others, who's very existence seemed to be a punishment. They would drag themselves through each day, not knowing if it would be their last. Sitting by this man's side, Saitou could not help but be overcome by the realness of the fragile human's mortality.

"Please, you look on the verge of tears."

"I am not," he replied curtly. No tears in all the world would be able to cure Souji. No tears would be able to change his inevitable fate.

"Eh, if sitting with me is making you so sad, then why don'tcha just leave?" Saitou shook his head furiously when Souji asked this question. He wouldn't leave Souji's side until the end. Even then, he would carry his friend's memory with him always.

"Remember when we first met?" Saitou suddenly spoke in a subdued voice.

"Mm yeah, of course. First time I had gone all out with a challenger. You held yourself pretty well, ya know." Silence wriggled its way into the conversation, and for several long minutes the two warriors reminisced. "Those were good days," Souji suddenly commented with a hint of a chuckle. "Ah, but I guess they're behind us now...who knows what's gonna happen."

"The future is full of change," Saitou returned with a shrug. "But hopefully some things won't change," he glanced at Souji with a masked expression that hid his sadness.

"Wishful thinking much?" The older man teased, and for a few fleeting moments, his features sparked back to life. "Oh, there's that sad face again. What's wrong with you? Get rejected by a girl you liked?"

Saitou sighed at the chestnut haired man's probing but gave him a response nonetheless, "You know I have devoted my life to the way of the sword..."

"Hmm, what, is being around me painful? I already told you to leave if you don't wanna be here."

"Souji, stop that!" His voice broke through desperate and forceful at first, startling the both of them. "Stop...I want to stay here, if you will permit me that is."

"Heh, fine," Souji began chuckling, only to be abruptly stopped by a violent fit of coughing. Splatters of deep red blood painted the cloth he coughed into, making it seem as though it was a picture of death. Souji's daily struggle tore Saitou apart on the inside. There was nothing he could. No way to help. Could he even alleviate the pain somehow? The Shinsengumi's current position was forgotten, for Saitou could only focus on his suffering friend. Everything else paled in comparison to Souji's pain. Souij weakly held up a hand and gestured for Saitou to go away, but the young man did not budge. "Stop...being so...stubborn," he gasped anemically between coughs. "Go."

"I want to stay." There was no response but an annoyed glare. "I _will_ stay, Souji." It was excruciating for the both of them, but Saitou was determined to stay by his side no matter what.

* * *

><p>"You should be spending your free-time sleeping or something, not here," Souji growled with feigned distaste. Saitou had been spending the majority of his time keeping him company. Souji found it pleasant but wasn't ready to admit it aloud. That would just encourage Saitou to spend even more time with him, and he didn't want that. Not when he was expecting to die any day now. He didn't want to put Saitou through that kind of pain—he cared about the left-handed swordsman too much to do that.<p>

"But won't Souji get lonely if I leave him?" The indigo-haired young man inquired simply.

Souji scoffed as best as he could but was interrupted by a sudden cough that had erupted from his chest. Before long he was doubled over in pain, his hand covering his mouth with a clammy, uneasy grip. He could feel the blood ooze onto his skin, warm and heavy. Saitou rushed over to his side, putting one hand on his back as the left-handed warrior looked on with a helpless expression. How many times had they gone through this today? This week? It was too much for him to bear. When his coughing finally subsided, the once strong swordsman was now left panting and unable to move. Saitou cleaned Souji's hand and carefully laid him down.

Souji could manage no words, so when he felt Saitou start to get up, he feebly wrapped his fingers around one of Satiou's hands. The young man gazed down at him, surprised, but sat back down without any objection. "So now you want me to stay with you?" A faint smile creased Saitou's lips.

"Don't give me that," Souji muttered weakly.

"I shall stay."

"...Thanks..."

* * *

><p>"Souji seems to be doing better today," Saitou watched as the ailing man sipped his tea.<p>

"I must get better, otherwise a certain persistent pooch won't give me any time alone." Saitou smiled, relieved that Souji was well enough to make jokes again. Although, death still hung in the atmosphere. It would only be a matter of time. "Che," Souji abruptly snorted, "I swear, every time you come here you look so sad."

Saitou snapped to attention. "Ah, sorry."

"What good does apologizing do? Why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"

Souji had been his confidant for years, yet Saitou was unsure if he should speak. Why bring up something that was looming over their heads—something that they both knew was approaching? Besides, he was uncomfortable talking about it. "It is nothing..." He bent his head low, letting his bangs hide his face.

"Hajime-kun," Saitou felt a hand on his head. His eyes shifted upward to see Souji staring at him with concern. Had he ever looked at him so seriously before? It made Saitou uneasy... "Hajime-kun," Souji repeated his name in a voice so soft it almost sounded secretive, "You don't have to worry about me so much, ya know."

Saitou put his hand on Souji's, bringing it off the top of his head and letting it slip to the floor. The left-handed swordsman studied Souji's frail, pale hand. When did it get to be like this? It was so lifeless. Hadn't Souji been in fine form, full of vitality, a mere sixth months ago? The younger man squeezed his friend's hand, afraid Souji might disintegrate if his grip was too loose. "I just don't know what I'll do without Souji." When his thought finally became words, Saitou realized just how painful it was. He frowned and tried to will away the wave of melancholy that threatened to overtake him.

"Hajime-kun I'm still here ya know..." The older male looked at him with an expression of mixed exasperation and pity. "H-Hajime-kun!" His expression soon changed to a mild shock. Flustered and overwhelmed, Saitou could feel a few hot tears roll down his face. He blinked hard, driving the rest of his tears away. T-This was... "Hajime-kun, wh-why..." Even Souji appeared to be at a loss for words.

"I-I'm sorry. Forgive me," Saitou hung his head low in apology. Suddenly, he felt his hand that was held by Souji move. The ill swordsman had placed Saitou's hand on his chest. He could feel the steady rhythm of Souji's heart.

"Hajime-kun, I won't leave you any time soon," he smiled weakly. "My heart's still beating, isn't it? I'm not dead yet. I can get better," he took his free hand and lifted Saitou's head up. "Hajime-kun, won't you look me in the eye?"

Saitou begrudgingly locked gazes with Souji. His eyes, which had been so dull, had a spark of something. Call it hope, call it stubbornness—whatever it was, it brought back some life to his emerald irises. It was reassuring, but only slightly. Death's sword still hung over his head with a hungry gleam in its cold steel. His gaze flickered away unhappily as he spoke, "S-Souij, I-"

What happened next, Saitou could not have ever anticipated. Souji had leaned forward and closed the distance between them. It was light, tender, and completely unexpected. Color rose to Saitou's cheeks, yet he didn't pull back. Perhaps it was because he knew that he had feelings for Souji, even if he had decided to bury those feels long ago. In that moment however, those very same feelings resurfaced. He returned the kiss shyly. Did Souji actually like him in that way?

When they parted, Souji rested his forehead against Saitou's, "You know...I've always loved you, Hajime. Heh, well I guess I should've said that before I kissed you," he cupped Saitou's face with one hand.

"I-I feel the same way too..." Saitou managed to choke out.

Souji chuckled, "That was mighty big of you, considering how much of a hard time you have expressing yourself. But never mind that," his tone became more serious. "Hajime, I don't want you to be sad around me. Everyone's gonna die at some point. Yeah, I'm probably gonna go sooner than you, but I want you to be happy. Because I love you." He stated his words so simply and truthfully. "So promise me," he continued with a look both joyful and melancholic, "that you'll be happy—for my sake—even after I'm gone. 'Kay?" He laid a gentle kiss on Saitou's forehead.

"I'll do my best," he nuzzled up against Souji. It was inevitable but, maybe, with this bittersweet yet soft love enveloping him, it wouldn't be so hard.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** (Whew, that actually took a bit longer than anticipated. Crafted with love I guess?) So there we have it; let me know what you think!


End file.
